starting is hard.

I've started and "forgotten" about a million projects. And by "forgotten," I mean I've felt the pangs of being a beginner, being terrible at something, and given up because the terrible-ness simply cannot be tolerated. I've started books and blogs and languages and stories and instruments with fantasies of a discovery story - that I would be discovered as a prodigy with a hidden talent and hailed by all. Ugh, but how this keeps me from persisting. From trying. From failing. It's hard to try when there's so much pressure to be a prodigy. So I'm showing up again. Trying again. Managing my unrealistic fantasies - again.

We all have to eat. We have this in common. It connects us. I think about human connection a lot and I think about (and make, and read about, and learn about, and fantasize about) food a lot. We all have to eat and sometimes is boring and stupid and sometimes it's literally life-changing. Like this unreal cauliflower dish that I had at a restaurant in Vancouver, BC over the weekend and can't stop thinking about. Who dreams in cauliflower?! I love being surprised in life. It's really my favorite thing. I love being surprised by cauliflower and whatever else I can pay attention to enough to let surprise me. We all have to eat. Sometimes it's nothingness, but it's always somethingness. For all of us. And I'll write about it and the other sometimes-boring, sometimes-surprising parts of life here too. Glad that we've found one another.